I used to have a high school Spanish teacher (Senor Kingsbury) who had a catchphrase that went a little something like this:
Me: I don't have my homework.
Senor Kingsbury: Triste.
Me: May I bring it tomorrow, por favor?
Senor Kingsbury: Si, and you can put it where the Monongahela meets the Ohio!
It turns out that was not a euphemism for a bad place, but the exact location of Pittsburgh. And that exact location is where Stephan Pastis is going to be this Friday. He's going to be signing books and kissing babies and maybe they'll be a story or two that connects with you on an emotional level but never panders to the lowest common denominator.
I know I wouldn't miss it if I were in the area.